- What did we learn in sex ed? Not much for a lot of us… very little about contraception, safe sex, non-hetero sex, etc.
- Where did you learn about pleasure? Experience, experimenting, work, friends, Google, Wikipedia, HBO, friends…
The point: we don’t really learn about pleasure in sex ed or schools, we’ve learned by observing & experimenting. As a result we’re often missing information and lacking a place to fill in those gaps.
Just a warning, this may not be safe for work (unless you work somewhere cool!) so be aware before you click.
- Toys aren’t the only way to reach your spots. (G Spot, C(litoris) spot, P(rostate) Spot) “Its a lot like food, something that I think is delicious you might not like.”
- Lube! Use it. Reduces friction to keep you healthy and feeling good.
- Pay attention to material, especially for toys that are used internally or shared.
- “When I talk about sex and sex toys I try hard to talk about body parts rather than someone’s gender or sexual identity.” Female bodied people (clitoris, vagina, g spots) and make bodied people (prostates and penises) will be used in this space.
- Certain spots on our genitalia are formed from the same “blank slate” and, thus, respond similarly. (Clitoris and penis, outer labia and scrotum, ovaries and testicles, g spot and prostate.)
Clitoris/ “C” Spot
- 35% or less of female-bodied people orgasm from penetrative sex alone.
- Contains erectile tissue like the shaft of the penis – blood flows in, it will get erect, hood will pull back. Under the head is the clitoral shaft which also feels good, especially to people who don’t enjoy direct stimulation. The shaft splits into a “wishbone” with nerve endings.
- Responds well to vibration, quick finger movements, pressure.
- Vibrators: “If its too intense for you, you can use it over clothing.” Try to buy a toy that has a variety of speeds so that you can find one that works for you.
- Non-porous toys (like plastic or silicone) can be washed in just soap and water.
- She recommends Lelo toys because they are, “rechargeable in case you like saving the environment while you get off.” They also have travel locks (brilliant!) and they make a vibrator that looks like a lipstick and can be charged in your computer.
- DON’T use silicone lubes with silicone toys… it will destroy the toy.
- Vibrating rings are another option. You can put them around fingers, dildos, a penis… whatever. A good way to introduce toys into penetrative sex.
- WeVibe – Rechargeable, ‘Specialty Vibe,” That can be inserted vaginally during penetration, designed to stimulate clitoris and g-spot, can be inserted into a strap-on, can be used as a “regular” vibrator…
- “Smoothie” Vibes can be inserted, provide some versatility.
- ‘The Hitachi magic wand is just a… beast.” Was originally sold as a back massager. Looks intimidating, but its okay because you’re not inserting it anywhere.”You are not going to find a battery-operated vibrator stronger than it.”
The G Spot
- G Spot “The G Spot does exist, its real” but not everyone enjoys it. Its a spongy, ribbed tissue around the urethra.
- Used a curved toy/fingers that curves towards your belly button to reach it. Responds well to “come hither” motion, pressure… its not so easy to find so its helpful if you have a partner/friend/toys.
- Helpful if you’re aroused before you try to find it.
- Book! Cathy Winks: The Good Vibrations Guide to the G Spot.
- Positions: Doggie style, knees to chest, or lying on stomach are good ones to help find & stimulate it.
- Some people’s response is feeling like they have to pee. (Probably because it is so close to the urethra.) Getting over that feeling can help make the G Spot more pleasurable. The G-Spot has been known to induce ejaculation in female-bodied people.
- Vibration – not always good for the G Spot, depends on the person. You can always get a “smoothie” vibe and just not turn it on.
- Ridges are good to help provide stimulation.
- You can lay down on a toy that’s inside and touching the g-spot to provide more pressure.
- The Rabbit (‘Twice as Nice Toys”) One side that goes in internally (“usually does some sort of trick”) and then an external part provides clitoral stimulation. These also have a big reputation… but they’re not the be all and end all. They may not be the best beginner toy because there is so much going on.
- Jelly-Rubber/Elastimer (clear, squishy material) is porous like a sponge. Soap & water won’t get everything. So use a condom over the insertable part. Change the condom when changing holes/partners and on every use to avoid yeast infections, STIs, etc.
- Metal and glass – Non-porous, so soap and water work. Transmit body heat well (can put them in cold water, play with temperatures.) Heavy – weight can be awesome for G and P spot play.
- Some people can feel the G Spot “swell” with fluid. Not everyone ejaculates from a G-Spot orgasm… not ejaculating doesn’t mean you didn’t orgasm.
- Only found in male bodies – formed from same basic template as G Spot.
- Located in the rectum, anal play is necessary to find it. (These tips go for female bodied people too, “Just because you don’t have a prostate doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy this.)
- Myth-Busting: “If you have a male body, you have a prostate and chances are you’re going to like it when you touch it.” if you shower/go to the bathroom regularly you’re unlikely to encounter anything gross. “Anal sex is not a quicky scenario for anyone.” Time + (lots of) (water based) lube = not painful. “Nobody’s rectum self-lubricates.” Stay away from the numbing creams, “you’re going to feel it in the morning anyways” and pain is meant to tell us something (like use more lubes!)
- Prostate massage is linked to prostate health!
- Looking for toys that curve (down if on hands and knees, up if on back.) towards belly-button and provide pressure (like G-Spot.)
- Anal toys should have a flared base because rectal muscles are very strong & they will suck the toy up. “I don’t care how good your grip is: base.”
- Beginners should start with fingers, which can later be used to gauge what size toy you can handle.
- “Material is extra important” because your rectum has specific bacteria “that should probably stay there.” Silicone is good! If you’re using something porous: USE CONDOMS! “Especially with female-bodied people you don’t want to be going back-to-front with the same toy.”
- Three main types of toys: beads, plugs, dildos.
- Beads: go from small to big… can put in as many as you like so they’re good for beginners. When your anus moves over the toy/contracts around the divots in between beads = pleasure for some people. During your orgasm you pull them out slowly – enhances orgasm/sex in general. If you don’t get them out before the orgasm you may need to wait a few minutes for your muscles to relax.
- Plus: Go in and stay in during sexual activity. Designed for subtle manipulation, not a lot of movement. There are vibrating plugs (the Pandora), plugs with hooks for the prostate. Can feel really good & relax your muscles. The Aneros was designed by a doctor for prostate massage, made out of plastic, designed for the muscles in your rectum so it rocks by itself into the prostate when you breathe.
- Dildos: Good Vibrations (“Bend over Boyfriend” Kit) comes with graduated dildos that attach to a harness w/ a vibrator. Double dildos – penetrate you & a partner.
- Water based: Compatible with all toys, will absorb into skin.
- Silicone: Bigger molecules than water-based, feels a bit oily, lasts for a looong time. It will stain your sheets and destroy silicone toys.
- Creams: Hydrating (esp. good for post-menopausal people), feels like a lotion and tastes kind of funny. (“Liquid Silk” is one brand.)
- Gels: Cushioning, great for anal play, long lasting. (“Sassy Booty Formula” is one.)
- Some lubes have glycerines in them so if you have sensitive skin/get lots of yeast infections avoid these! Also avoid parabins.